A Kind Coach for the Aftermath: A Free Compassion-Focused Worksheet for Adults with ADHD

ADHD · CFT · Emerging

A compassion-focused sheet for the aftermath of a surge. It names the threat, drive and soothe systems, asks which is loudest afterwards, sets the harsh voice beside a kind coach, builds a kind coach from wisdom, strength and warmth and ends with a short note to self. It is rated Emerging for adults with ADHD because the supporting evidence comes from other groups.

Underlying mechanism: Compassion-Focused Work on Post-Surge Shame in Adult ADHD: Threat, Drive and Soothe, the Compassionate Self and a Self-Compassionate Note

What it helps with

Softening the harsh inner voice that follows a surge, before values work.
Taking a mistake seriously, including repair, without contempt for the person.
Giving a simple language for threat, drive and soothe that a client can use between sessions.
Leaving a short note to self in a kind voice that the client can reread.

How clinicians use it

Use it at Session 6, before the values session, by design.
Ask which of threat, drive or soothe is loudest in the aftermath.
Build the kind coach from wisdom, strength and warmth and write the note about a medium-sized surge.
Pair it with the settling skill and go slowly if kindness feels strange.

Clinical Implementation Guide

Introduce threat, drive and soothe and find which is loudest in the aftermath.
Build the kind coach from wisdom, strength and warmth.
Write a short note after a recent surge and read it slowly after settling.

What the worksheet looks like

A Kind Coach for the Aftermath — worked example
The harsh voice says	A kind coach would say
"You always do this."	"That was a hard moment. What do you need now?"
"You are too much."	"Strong feelings arrive fast for you. That is not a flaw."
"Try harder."	"Let us look at what made it hard, and plan one small thing."

Clinical cautions

Compassion work can briefly raise distress in people who find kindness unfamiliar or frightening, so go slowly and pair it with grounding. It is rated Emerging for adults with ADHD: the evidence comes from other groups and none was found in ADHD. Do not use the kind coach to excuse harm to others: the strength quality includes facing a mistake and repairing it. If the client shows signs of trauma, use a phased approach.

References

Gilbert, P. (2014). The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 53(1), 6-41. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjc.12043
Craig, C., Hiskey, S., & Spector, A. (2020). Compassion focused therapy: A systematic review of its effectiveness and acceptability in clinical populations. Expert Review of Neurotherapeutics, 20(4), 385-400. https://doi.org/10.1080/14737175.2020.1746184
Tokumitsu, K., Sugawara, N., Tabuchi, T., & Yasui-Furukori, N. (2025). Adverse childhood experiences mediate the association between ADHD symptoms and severe psychological distress in the Japanese general population: A causal mediation analysis of 29,268 participants. BMC Psychiatry, 25(1), 1194. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-025-07656-9

Copyright and use in research

Suggested citation (APA 7th edition): Pomfret, R. (2026). Steady the Surge: A skills-first, neuroaffirmative protocol for adults with ADHD and emotional surges (Version 1.0) [Therapist guide and worksheets]. Third Wave Therapy Tools. https://thirdwavetherapytools.com/

Part of

Steady the Surge

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